I am abundantly familiar with contentment. I might even be considered an expert. However at this stage of my life I am instead questioning this familiarity and challenging myself to dream bigger.
I am currently reading a book on buying a house in Italy thanks to some friends who already own there. The book is designed for English speakers and mostly the British but it is interesting and loaded with necessary information.
It is broke down by region and explains what types of properties are typically available in those regions. So far I have narrowed it down to North of Naples somewhere. That encompasses basically all of Italy. The reasons for eliminating Naples are several. First, if I do eventually and by eventually I mean years down the road want to live there permanently I would not find Naples appealing. The area does not experience seasons as much as in other areas. I have lived where there was a lack of seasons. Montana has two; summer and winter, fall and spring are smashed into approximately two total months. I loved Montana for its beautiful mountains but found the winters long and painful and longed for the hot summers, colorful falls and abundant springs of Oregon. A second and important reason not to head to Naples or further south is "fire insurance". The book clearly states that if you are asked to buy "fire insurance" you should do it. We can all read between the lines and figure out what that means. Third, I am looking for a country home, somewhere serene and peaceful. Naples doesn't strike me as serene and peaceful. Perhaps after I visit in December I will change my mind.
The areas that most appeal to me, those close to areas of interest. I want to be in the country but able to jump a train or bus and head to the city or the sea and be there in a couple of hours. In Italy this is an easy task. Simply look at the geography. The boot is thin, jutting out into the Mediterranean and surrounded by two seas. I could potentially own a place in the mountains and be to either sea in two hours.
Living in the mountains usually means living near a national park where hiking and outdoor activities abound; perfect for myself and my active lifestyle.
"Familiar" is a word repeated frequently in this book. The author uses the word to evoke a sense of security or comfort. He often explains that a place will be familiar to an English speaker because there are many English speakers already living there or the Italians have catered to English speakers in that area. But I don't want familiar. If I wanted familiar I wouldn't be buying a house in Italy. Each time I read this term about a place it is quickly eliminated from potential places to buy a residence. Tuscany, so beloved by English speakers that it is now considered saturated, is off the list. It was too expensive anyway. The Italian Riviera is also out as it was once a English colony. If I desired English culture I would buy a place in England. No, I love Italian culture and would like to be exposed to it as often as possible. If I live in an area that is familiar this will not happen.
Strangely this word familiar has also struck me as linked with contentment. On Sunday our preacher spoke of contentment. I feel as if I am an expert in the area of contentment. I have been content no matter what my circumstances most of my life. Contentment is familiar to me and perhaps that is one of the reasons the two terms are bothering me so much. I have been content raising my children basically alone for the last six years. It is familiar to do so and yet it is not fulfilling. It is a daunting task full of upheaval and nights spent wondering if I have done the right thing. I wonder these things to myself because I do not have someone to bounce those ideas off of. I have been content living in a rental in a subdivision, nothing I had ever envisioned for my life. Contentment is synonymous with acceptance correct? In other words I have accepted the fact that I was forced off of my acreage and into town. I have been content with sacrificing all of my dreams for my children. I have not been resentful in doing so because I love being a mother and I deeply love my children. It is only through loving our children that we see the depth of God's love for us. Each time they mess up and we forgive, we are reminded that God does the same. Therefore, I believe it is safe to say I am familiar with contentment. I know God wishes for us to be content but at the same time he wishes for us to dream.
Dreaming is something that helps us to continue to be content. It gives us an escape and a goal to keep in mind. Don't we challenge our kids to "dare to dream"? But when we become adults we give up our dreams so easily. One of my long-held dreams was to visit Italy. I have fulfilled that. Another long-held dream is to live overseas perhaps while teaching. That will be my future. Writing and being paid, it is only a matter of time.
I have been busy dreaming since my return from Italy and I am dreaming big. When I think about buying a place in Italy my soul both leaps with excitement and finds solace in resting upon the knowledge that I will be home someday. My soul knows it belongs somewhere besides a subdivision surrounded by small lawns and sparsely planted trees. My soul does not wish to have the familiar because the familiar will lead to much discontent especially later in life when I am without children. My soul longs for Italy. My soul drives me to look up airfare daily and sign up for price alerts in order to book another trip. My soul says I cannot go another year without revisiting Italy. This time when I go I will have another goal in mind; looking at small farms and researching regions. I will be pursuing my passion because neglecting it blocks creativity.
Contentment can lead to resentment and to the non-fulfillment of your destiny. The familiar is easy but dreams are challenging. They are meant to push our boundaries of comfort and move us forward to something greater. Familiar contentment can be dangerous.
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