My best stories are those that make me look worldly but show that I have chosen to live my life while loving God. I love his creation and dive into exploring it and sometimes that makes me appear as a non-cookie cutter version of Christianity.
In 2013 I took many risks. I didn't leave my life or my God in a box. I chanced in love, travel and writing. Through this chance taking I met many amazing people and some not so amazing. I saw many new places and visited some old favorites. During the year I had many wonderful adventures and successes but I also made some huge mistakes which led me down a path of despair. But I lived, I didn't wait for life to happen to me. Now at the end of the year I am reflecting. I can see the light where God will lead me if I trust and obey. He had to devastate me and break me in order to get me to trust and obey. Only in our brokenness can we be healed. It is like with my own children, growth only comes with pain.
Today the message at church was not one of a Happy New Year. Instead the preacher pointed out how God works through our sins and brokenness and despair. Our despair may lead others to seek God in their lives if we deal with the problems in our lives with wisdom and grace. I can say this is where I failed this year. I am sorry to those who were affected deeply and painfully by my lack of wisdom and grace in the midst of despair.
As I have struggled past my despair and climbed that mountain, reaching the peak where I can see the light I have impacted others along the way. I don't know if tomorrow will bring a valley of darkness or a peak with light but I will continue to live on terms of trust.
Each time in my life I have identified a fear I would never want to face I have had to face it. This year I had to face one of those fears again. I could stop identifying the fears I have and then maybe these things would not happen but again I would not truly be living.
In 2014 I have more risks planned. I am taking my kids to Europe, just me, by myself. I want them to experience a life lived by taking big chances. I want them to understand I will not limit their dreams. I want them to be risk takers. I want their lives to be an adventure that is worthy of being written about and certainly theirs already is. If I were not willing to take risks they would not have the life they currently embrace. I have been diligently working on their story and mine but it is not quite ready to post. Be prepared for a roller coaster ride when I do post it.
I hope that 2014 will be another roller coaster ride for my life, one where I don't have to wonder if I truly lived.
This blog is dedicated to Ana Sophia. Your name means wisdom and grace. I hope to have some and learn from you.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
The Sisters in my life and Sisterhood
Our Thanksgiving vacation took us to Medford where much of my family lives. We visited with my aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousin. It was such a nice time to be with family. I walked the dog with my Aunt Melinda and we chatted the whole time. My Aunt Yvonne came over and we played dice, chatted and laughed. The whole time I was wishing my sister had been there with me. My cousin Tasha was there but her sister Tanya was also missing. We talked to both on the phone but it just wasn't the same. Our family has a strong bond of sisterhood. We sisters do not like to be apart for important events and holidays but we are always united in spirit. Our sisterly bonds are a strong example of the importance of family in our lives and one that we have inherited and will also pass down to the next generation.
The aunts of my life, all of them, have provided me the example of sisterhood that has permeated my relationship with my own sister but also the bonds I have with my friends who are sisters in spirit. My aunts in Medford love to play games and we could always count on sitting down to a game of canasta, dice or other fun board games with the whole family. Our family is full of fierce competitors and everyone hates to lose. Sometimes the games can get brutal. My cousin Tanya once launched herself across the table at my cousin Keo in a game of spoons. She tackled him and won. We all roared with laughter, probably except Keo. He had grown up in Hawaii and had never been exposed to the true meaning of being a "Snyder". We welcomed him in by making him pretend to be a donkey when he lost. My Grandma is the one who passed down her love for games. Even when she was sick she still played games. She did not have the mean streak though, that comes from my Grandpa and we Snyder's all have a little. My Grandma even had a special card holder that allowed her shaky hands to hold the cards and continue to play when her Parkinson's was beginning to get worse. We would all sit around the dining room table and play one game after another. It was one of the ways we shared our time together. My Grandma also came from a long line of sisters who protected and loved one another deeply. They were close and took care of my aunts when needed until they had moved to Oregon and away from all of her sisters. Still, perhaps they are the ones that taught my aunts about the bond of sisterhood.
My aunts provided my sister and I with valuable lessons growing up on what it meant to be a sister. They took us new places, all the cousins piled into one small car, modern-day SUV's didn't exist yet. It was also before seat-belts were required and we flailed around the Thunderbird, one cousin and I in the wheel-wells, my sister and another on the seat and my youngest cousin hurdling between the front and backseat all the way to Disneyland. Another year we all lined up hot dog style in the Blazer with the seats down to Great America. These were brave adventures. They were responsible for all of us and our necessary equipment. On the Great America trip I accidentally threw away my retainer and my aunt tried to fetch it out of the garbage can because she knew it was expensive and my parents would have to pay for a new one. The weren't even too scared to take us to Santa Cruz during the punk rock phase just after the Lost Boys had come out. They seemed fearless. My sister and I have carried on this tradition of taking trips with our annual spring break trip, packed full of cousins. We have also taken our kids to Six Flags and camping. Maybe we seem fearless to our children. My aunts showed their love for us through these adventures and I always knew my aunts loved us deeply. But they weren't the only aunts in my life showing me what sisterhood meant.
On the other side of our family we had another set of sisters that set an example for us, my Grandma and Aunt Evy. My Grandma and Aunt Evy shared every adventure together. They traveled the world after they lost husbands to death and divorce. They walked the Great Wall of China, cruised through the Panama Canal, toured across Europe, took cruises to Hawaii, went to Australia, Fiji, Tahiti, Singapore, and countless other places. They kept journals and wrote postcards back to us kids. I inherited their wanderlust. My sister and I always dreamed of the places we would travel together someday.
When they were home they would scoop up the cousins and we would stay at my Aunt Evy's house on Sandy Point in Washington. My Grandma didn't drive so we would take the bus up or my Aunt would come and get us. We walked on the beach everyday, played, had hot dog roasts, collected beach glass and watched as they sat and enjoyed each other's company. They were so close. They loved each other in such a truly meaningful way. And once again they loved us deeply.
My relationship with my sister is the closest relationship I have. I imagine it always will be. I don't keep secrets from my sister. She knows absolutely everything about me. She knows me so well that I can send a text that I think is cryptic and she immediately knows exactly what I mean. When my husband told me he was leaving it was my sister who got the first call. She was the only one I shared it with for months. She has been my constant confidant in times of trouble. She is also the one I love to share a glass of wine with and relax and the one I love to act silly with when I need to let loose. We were close even when we lived far apart but those were some of the most trying times. When her son was born and I had to leave on an airplane to go back to Montana I cried the whole way home. The steward on the plane sat beside me and comforted me but it was no comfort. I wanted to be with my sister and help her raise her baby. Eventually my husband and I moved closer for financial reasons but my heart had longed to be closer since Tryston was born. Let no man come between sisters or he will suffer. Who can be happy if they are too long separated from their sister? Not many of us who share this bond.
Life has never been easy but it is always made easier by having my sister around. In addition my other sisters have helped to mold my life as well and they are equally appreciated. Sisters don't have to share blood to share a bond. I am blessed to have many sisters in my life. So cheers to the sisters in my life and yours. Remember you are blessed by one another.
Rachelle-my one and only blood, there from the beginning, there through everything
Angelia-understanding of all the craziness of life, a constant source of support
Carrie-a partner in work and life who makes me a better teacher and mother
Danielle-the one who challenges me to be a better version of myself on all levels
Rebekah-someone I can share the outdoors with, laugh with and contemplate with
Elida-a travel companion who helps me take more risks
Robin-wisdom sharer, who makes me focus on the meaning of my life
Lori-my daily source of smiles and encouragement, as she is to all in her life
And my list truly goes on and on........
.jpg)
The aunts of my life, all of them, have provided me the example of sisterhood that has permeated my relationship with my own sister but also the bonds I have with my friends who are sisters in spirit. My aunts in Medford love to play games and we could always count on sitting down to a game of canasta, dice or other fun board games with the whole family. Our family is full of fierce competitors and everyone hates to lose. Sometimes the games can get brutal. My cousin Tanya once launched herself across the table at my cousin Keo in a game of spoons. She tackled him and won. We all roared with laughter, probably except Keo. He had grown up in Hawaii and had never been exposed to the true meaning of being a "Snyder". We welcomed him in by making him pretend to be a donkey when he lost. My Grandma is the one who passed down her love for games. Even when she was sick she still played games. She did not have the mean streak though, that comes from my Grandpa and we Snyder's all have a little. My Grandma even had a special card holder that allowed her shaky hands to hold the cards and continue to play when her Parkinson's was beginning to get worse. We would all sit around the dining room table and play one game after another. It was one of the ways we shared our time together. My Grandma also came from a long line of sisters who protected and loved one another deeply. They were close and took care of my aunts when needed until they had moved to Oregon and away from all of her sisters. Still, perhaps they are the ones that taught my aunts about the bond of sisterhood.
On the other side of our family we had another set of sisters that set an example for us, my Grandma and Aunt Evy. My Grandma and Aunt Evy shared every adventure together. They traveled the world after they lost husbands to death and divorce. They walked the Great Wall of China, cruised through the Panama Canal, toured across Europe, took cruises to Hawaii, went to Australia, Fiji, Tahiti, Singapore, and countless other places. They kept journals and wrote postcards back to us kids. I inherited their wanderlust. My sister and I always dreamed of the places we would travel together someday.
When they were home they would scoop up the cousins and we would stay at my Aunt Evy's house on Sandy Point in Washington. My Grandma didn't drive so we would take the bus up or my Aunt would come and get us. We walked on the beach everyday, played, had hot dog roasts, collected beach glass and watched as they sat and enjoyed each other's company. They were so close. They loved each other in such a truly meaningful way. And once again they loved us deeply.
Sisterhood is not perfect or without its share of disagreements because, after all, we are human. In the end the love for one another takes over and everyone forgives. My Mom has always said that my sister and I would fight like cats and dogs but as soon as someone else criticized the other we turned our attention their way and the fight was on. She was right. I defended my sister more than once. My toast at my sister's wedding went something like this, "If you ever hurt my sister you will have to deal with me."
My relationship with my sister is the closest relationship I have. I imagine it always will be. I don't keep secrets from my sister. She knows absolutely everything about me. She knows me so well that I can send a text that I think is cryptic and she immediately knows exactly what I mean. When my husband told me he was leaving it was my sister who got the first call. She was the only one I shared it with for months. She has been my constant confidant in times of trouble. She is also the one I love to share a glass of wine with and relax and the one I love to act silly with when I need to let loose. We were close even when we lived far apart but those were some of the most trying times. When her son was born and I had to leave on an airplane to go back to Montana I cried the whole way home. The steward on the plane sat beside me and comforted me but it was no comfort. I wanted to be with my sister and help her raise her baby. Eventually my husband and I moved closer for financial reasons but my heart had longed to be closer since Tryston was born. Let no man come between sisters or he will suffer. Who can be happy if they are too long separated from their sister? Not many of us who share this bond.
Life has never been easy but it is always made easier by having my sister around. In addition my other sisters have helped to mold my life as well and they are equally appreciated. Sisters don't have to share blood to share a bond. I am blessed to have many sisters in my life. So cheers to the sisters in my life and yours. Remember you are blessed by one another.
Rachelle-my one and only blood, there from the beginning, there through everything
Angelia-understanding of all the craziness of life, a constant source of support
Carrie-a partner in work and life who makes me a better teacher and mother
Danielle-the one who challenges me to be a better version of myself on all levels
Rebekah-someone I can share the outdoors with, laugh with and contemplate with
Elida-a travel companion who helps me take more risks
Robin-wisdom sharer, who makes me focus on the meaning of my life
Lori-my daily source of smiles and encouragement, as she is to all in her life
And my list truly goes on and on........
Rachelle and I at Seaside, Oregon
Rachelle and I at Pacific City, Oregon
Shelling peanuts at Prineville Reservoir
.jpg)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)