Reflections

My best stories are those that make me look worldly but show that I have chosen to live my life while loving God.  I love his creation and dive into exploring it and sometimes that makes me appear as a non-cookie cutter version of Christianity.

In 2013 I took many risks.  I didn't leave my life or my God in a box. I chanced in love, travel and writing. Through this chance taking I met many amazing people and some not so amazing. I saw many new places and visited some old favorites.  During the year I had many wonderful adventures and successes but I also made some huge mistakes which led me down a path of despair.  But I lived, I didn't wait for life to happen to me.  Now at the end of the year I am reflecting.  I can see the light where God will lead me if I trust and obey.  He had to devastate me and break me in order to get me to trust and obey.  Only in our brokenness can we be healed.  It is like with my own children, growth only comes with pain.

Today the message at church was not one of a Happy New Year.  Instead the preacher pointed out how God works through our sins and brokenness and despair.  Our despair may lead others to seek God in their lives if we deal with the problems in our lives with wisdom and grace.  I can say this is where I failed this year.  I am sorry to those who were affected deeply and painfully by my lack of wisdom and grace in the midst of despair.

As I have struggled past my despair and climbed that mountain, reaching the peak where I can see the light I have impacted others along the way.  I don't know if tomorrow will bring a valley of darkness or a peak with light but I will continue to live on terms of trust.

Each time in my life I have identified a fear I would never want to face I have had to face it.  This year I had to face one of those fears again.  I could stop identifying the fears I have and then maybe these things would not happen but again I would not truly be living.

In 2014 I have more risks planned.  I am taking my kids to Europe, just me, by myself.  I want them to experience a life lived by taking big chances.  I want them to understand I will not limit their dreams.  I want them to be risk takers. I want their lives to be an adventure that is worthy of being written about and certainly theirs already is.  If I were not willing to take risks they would not have the life they currently embrace.  I have been diligently working on their story and mine but it is not quite ready to post.  Be prepared for a roller coaster ride when I do post it.

I hope that 2014 will be another roller coaster ride for my life, one where I don't have to wonder if I truly lived.

This blog is dedicated to Ana Sophia.  Your name means wisdom and grace.  I hope to have some and learn from you.