Not everyone in the world is built the same when it comes to their capacity to love. Some people can love one person at a time. Some will only love their family. Others will love their friends and their family. Some love on a very surface level and others love deeply. These categories of love, like all things in life are what sets us apart. They are what shape the human race and make life worth living.
I have finally accepted that I have been gifted with a deeper capacity for love than others. This greater capacity to love has meant something in my life. It has meant I have had to suffer heartbreak and pain at the cost of loving too many people. But it has also shaped my life into the beautiful gift it is today. I had to go through a divorce because I was meant to love many and spread that love to show the depth with which people can love. I was meant to adopt my children because my love works different than other people's. I have had many friends tell me they hoped I would someday be able to experience having a baby of my own because it would be different, but they are wrong about me. I know what my love is like. Blood is of little significance to me. I love my boys deeply and I loved them from the moment I had a piece of paper in my hand with their names on it. I love them in a way that other mothers love their children but even with this deeper appreciation for who they truly are.
I love my friends this way as well. My friends are my family. I would sacrifice anything for them. My family I would go through hell for if I was asked. My children sometimes put me through hell but I still love them deeply. If someone dropped a child on my doorstep tomorrow I would take them in and love them just as deeply as Max and Nikolai. I liken my love to the adoptive mom of Moses who could not let that baby go without care even though it was clearly a Jewish baby. But I don't just love my family and my close friends.
My students, whether they know it or not, also get a measure of my love. I don't write referrals and if I have disciplined a student I often don't remember what happened the next day. I am the same way with my kids. Forgiveness comes fast when you have a great capacity to love. In each of my students I see their beauty and uniqueness. I often tell them I don't want to see a carbon cutout. I relish the differences. I relish the differences in everyone.
In my home, in my school life, in my friendships, I love. If I have dated you, I have likely loved you in some measure. There is rarely a man that I cannot see the good in. Sometimes they don't want me to see the good. Sometimes they build walls around their hearts and souls but I manage to get through. I was built to share this kind of love. We are not all built this way but I was and now I accept it. I am no longer hurt by loving in this manner. I pray myself through some of it just to protect my wounds.
I am also no longer scared to express my love. Life is to short to leave words unsaid. Unfortunately, I sometimes lack the courage to say it in person. So if I have said it in a text message, or email or letter know that I meant to say to you in person.
I don't expect others to understand my love. We are all meant to love in our own way. I have had some incredible moments in life though where others did completely understand my kind of love and in those I dwell.
If you are in my life you can expect to be loved. In that love I will show you what we are meant to be in life to others.
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